Is girl-on-girl action cheating on my husband?

By Project Q Atlanta | Jan 29, 2010 | 1:30 PM

Leave it to the Sexorcist—otherwise known as gay sex advice columnist, author and blogger Michael Alvear—to tackle this question in his weekly Loaf column: Is girl-on-girl infidelity really cheating?

He approaches it with his usual demure style: “You know what burns my ass more than a three-foot flame? Your logic. Heterosexuals “count” in breaking your vows, but lesbians don’t? You’re not just a cheat, you’re a homophobic one to boot.”

Here’s the setup, courtesy a question from a reader in Sandy Springs:

I’m 38 and married to a great guy, but I’ve been seeing this woman on the side for about three months. Lately, she’s been sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, telling me I need to “confess” to my husband that a) I’m lesbian and b) I’m cheating on him. Bull. First, I have a great sex life with my husband, and second, sex with another woman isn’t cheating! It’d be a completely different thing if she were a man. I think she’s just pissed off that I have no intention of leaving him. Do I need to break it off with her or is there some way to go back to our no-strings sex relationship?

And a snippet of his response:

The problem with the way we’ve constructed monogamy is that it only allows two options in a case like yours: confess or continue. But either option is almost certain to railroad the relationship into oblivion